I've now been single most of my adult life. I remember being 24 years old and a teenager asking me, basically, "What's wrong with you?" because I was so pretty and still single- her words. While it was a teaching opportunity to speak to there being much more to relationships th
an outside appearance, it still stung a little. Was there something wrong with me?
And now here I am, older than 24, and asking the same question. Now I don't really believe it, of course. There are tons of factors that go into making a good match when it comes to relationships even aside from romantic feelings. The older we get, the more complicated it is. There is nothing "wrong" with me. My life journey is unique just as yours is unique.
I've done the online-dating-life. I've put myself out there. I've gone on many first dates and some seconds and thirds. It's exhausting. I'm tired of online dating-sending out "likes" and "interests" and getting very little response. I'm tired of being pursued by men that are 10-20 years older than me of which I have no interest.
So...I've gone into protection mode. A couple months ago, I started wearing a "wedding" ring, thinking I can just avoid it all. It's not the first time. I wore one years ago when I sold insurance to seniors and was asked at each appointment why a sweet beautiful woman like me wasn't married. I could be afraid of men-or myself. I'm afraid that men that I'm not attracted to will ask me out and I will have to tell them no- it's always awkward especially if I work with them or see them on a regular basis. If I present that I'm married, this could prevent that. The only problem is that presenting being a married woman seriously shuts down potential attracted-to suitors! But at least I won't have failed attempts for finding connections if I just resign that I'm not trying?
I know, it doesn't work. In the end, I'm still alone. But at least it's my choice. Oh, maybe I have control issues! lol It never ends...
