I slept in my clothes last night.

June 2, 2010
Well, I slept in my clothes last night. I didn't really mean to, well, I guess I kind of did. At least I slept in my bed rather than on the couch. Then there was the getting up in the morning challenge. I got plenty of sleep lat night--and had slept about four hours during the day yesterday. I had set an alarm for 6:45am but, of course, I turned it off and rolled over. Here I am again, at the point in my depression when I just can't do life. When I wake up in the morning I try to tell myself the gospel--that I'm deeply loved, that His spirit dwells within me and I do have the will power to get up, but when I do, I'm just despondent. "It's not enough," and "I don't care if I don't get up." But I have so much responsibility! I have to get the children up and off to school. I don't think I can do it. I feel like I am a part of my matress. I'm sunken in the bed and I have no strength, no energy, no desire to get up. It was dark in the bedroom. Rain. Cloudy skies. I hear a little thunder. I like that. Thunder reminds me of God's power. After being up a few minutes I realize that the garage door was left up last night. I could sware that I put it down. In fact, I went to great effort to put my bike in from outside late last night, -in my pajamas. Did I forget to put it down after I went through all that trouble? I'm trying to take care of myself and my things... put them away...keep them safe from being stolen...actually care and value my belongings....-just to find that he door has been open all night which of course means that the critters could get in and get to my trash...which they did... so now the trash bag that I set in the garage last night...the one with the carpenter ants in it, is now disgustingly strewn about. What a mess. I'll get to it later I guess. My hand is itchy with bumps. I must remember to call the landlord today about the ant infestation. Well, good morning Helen.
Home now after takingthe kids to school. We were late again. Just a few minuts this time. What should I do now? I read my devotional already so now I'm reminded that "God is with me, who can stand against me?" I'll tell you what! The laundry, the trash, the ants, my daughter's art projects, bills, toys, food, I could go on. In short, my depression. I look around and see insurmountable tasks that are waiting and rotting to be done. I think I'll take a little snooze. It's still raining.